Happy St Patrick’s Day and Happy Monday evening everyone. I hope today went smooth as silk for each of you. It wasn’t horrible for me other that just being tired. That’s becoming my new normal. If you read yesterday’s blog you know my sweet husband let me go to bed at 7 pm and he handled the evening chores so that I could try to get some much needed rest. I’m forever thankful for him but I was wide awake from about 11:30 until time to be out of bed at 5 am. Oh well. I tried. Eventually my system will shut off and I’ll have a good 8 hours of sleep. It’s the getting to that point that really sucks. If you are someone that struggles with not being able to sleep, I feel for you. And I pray that you get several restful hours tonight and for the nights to come. It’s hard to work and concentrate when you feel like a zombie all the time. It’ll run you crazy. Which brings me to today’s little tale.
If you’ve followed my blog posts for very long, I’m sure you know that my daddy passed away 11 years ago. I’ve missed him every single day since that day. I, like so many others, have to say that I didn’t realize how much I needed him or how important he was to me until he was no longer here. Don’t get me wrong, we were and are a very close family. My siblings, mother and I see each other several times a week. And the days that we aren’t able to see each other we have a group text that we check on each other all times during the day. I work with my younger sister so we are in contact more. As far as momma, she expects my phone call around 10:30 every morning and again in the evening. Today, in fact, I was a bit late calling her due to getting caught up in a case at work and when she answered she said “I was thinking it was getting about time for you to call me”. She would have been fussin if I had forgotten lol. When daddy was alive it was similar. He wasn’t the affectionate, talk to you on the phone an hour type of man. He was more of a “you know where I am if you need me” kind of person. And he never failed that. He was always there if you needed him. Truth is, I need him so much more now than I ever did before. I find myself wondering what he would say to me about certain things in my day to day. Or how he would react to my son as he’s now an adult. If he would approve of the home that we live in now. I know in my heart that he would have a chair down by our creek and would just be sitting there eating his peanut butter crackers, smoking a cigerette, and drinking his RC cola. I think about that every time I take our little dog out there to do his business during the day. Today was no different. I thought about him on and off during my day. Folks say losing someone gets easier over time. I’m not so sure about that. I just think it gets different and more “normal” for them to be gone.
It has been a little chilly here today. The temperature only got to 55 degrees and we’re getting some tail end winds from some nasty weather that they had Saturday and Yesterday in Arkansas and Mississippi. Bless their souls. They had tornados and severe storms. One area of Mississippi even had an earthquake during one of the tornados. If you are reading this and you are from that area, I sure prayed for you all. That’s scary business. Mid day today I took Dale out for his potty and the wind was just whipping. He was taking his usual slow time and I was just following him around on his lead while he ate leaves and carried around stick rather than finding his spot. Like I said, I’ve been pretty much a zombie the last few days so I looked like an electrocuted chicken wandering around aimlessly behind my dog. That’s when it happened. Now, y’all. I thought I was going crazy. I very distinctly heard my daddy’s voice say “it’s alright, we’ll get it all done”. My legs went like jello and I thought for a second I might pass out. I haven’t heard my dads voice in 11 very long years. My first reaction, after I looked around in complete shock, was that I was crazy out of my gourd. I seriously thought I was delirious from no sleep or that menopause was finally making me flip my lid. I finally looked over at our pup and he had stopped dead in his tracks and was looking all around. He heard it too. I couldn’t do anything except pray that he would say something else. I just stood there with tears rolling down my face. Then I heard it again behind me. I couldn’t make out what he was say this time. Finally, I realized I wasn’t crazy. There was a man on the other side of the creek. We have neighbors that live there behind us and they have had folks working on the vacant lot beside of them for what seems a year or more. It was someone there working that sounded exactly like my daddy.
Immediately after realizing I wasn’t hearing voices of dead people, I began to feel a lot less shaky. I looked through the woods and saw a few folks standing there talking. I couldn’t hear them anymore so I assume that their voice had carried over to me on the wind. He looked nothing like my daddy but, I’m telling you he sounded exactly like him. I just stood there hoping he would talk some more so that I could hear. I almost had the notion to call out across the creek and ask him a question so that I could make him talk to me directly lol. Then he would have thought I was crazy. Here this electrocuted chicken lady is with her house pants on and rain boots with a big long coat following her dog around aimlessly in her yard and she’s yelling across the creek to some man she doesn’t know and saying “will you come over here and sit a while and talk to me” blahahahha. Lordy Lou. I almost did it. I wont lie.
My biggest fear after losing dad was that I would forget. The way he walked. Or that I’d forget the way that he looked (even though that one would be hard as my son looks more and more like him the older that he gets). The way he smelled of cigarettes and soap on a rope. That doesn’t sound too good but it makes me think of him. More than anything I was afraid I would forget his voice. Sometimes I think when I am on the verge of forgetting those things he sends me a sign. I’ll have a vivid dream about him or I’ll hear a song. I’ll see a red bird or a deer in my back yard. Or on a small occasion I’ll be out somewhere and smell cigarettes and soap on a rope lol. I think its just him saying “I’m still right here”. I’ve never deleted any pictures of my dad from my phone. And even though he hated talking on the phone, I still have his phone number programmed in there. I just couldn’t get rid of it. 11 years later and I still can’t. Frankly, that’s completely okay.
So, here’s what I’ll say about today. After I finally realized I wasn’t crazy, I received a real blessing today. For the first time in 11 years, I heard my daddy’s voice. Now, I know, it wasn’t really him. But it sounded just like him. For the first time in 11 years, I felt like he was right in my back yard with me. And that little happening made my day. A big thank you to the worker across the creek in my neighbors yard for filling my heart with a lot of joy. I have no idea who you are sir but, you made me a very happy daughter today. And I think God for the reminder that I will never forget.
If you have your daddy, squeeze him a little tighter tonight. Listen to him talk or even record it. One day you’ll be looking for the little reminders the way that I do every day.
Have the very best night. Happy Dreams!
Alway…….Brooke
Uplifting, Encouraging, and Fun blogging. 