Dreams

Happy Monday everyone. I hope your day is filled with joy and remembrance as most of us are off today for the memory of Dr. Martin Luther King. And I know todays one word title of my story is “Dreams” which to me is fitting. Although not the same kind of wonderful dream that he had but to me this story about dreams is also lovely. What is a dream. I see it as two things. One being something we strive for. We dream to become the person we would like to be. We dream about having things that we never have had and would like to work towards. These dreams can and do for some folks become a reality. Nothing to me is impossible if you set your mind to it, do your research and put in the work. Your dreams of “doing” can come true! The other type of dreams are those vivid moments that come to us in slumber. In wonderful deep sleep. Sometimes they are so real you almost feel them. Nightmares which are all too horrible. I’ve had them so strong and real that I wake sobbing. Those nightmares we want to forget. But, most of the time the dreams that I have are good. Strange yes, but good. My husband was reading an article several days ago that said we only remember 20 percent of what we dream. That’s completely fine when it comes to nightmares but, oh, how I wish the good ones came more often, lasted longer, and stayed in my memory. The article also said that things during our day trigger what we dream. I completely believe this. Usually I can pick my dreams apart and I know what I did the day prior to cause it. On occasion however, I have dreams that I know were sent to me with no trigger at all. Some of you all think I’m crazy and that’s okay. And that’s where we start todays tale. I will warn you this could trigger some emotions for some of you. So please pass over if you feel it will.

My grandfather (papaw) passed away when I was pregnant with my son. He was the best ole man ever. He battled stomach cancer prior to his death. It was slow and miserable. No matter, he kept his good attitude and was so excited for his great grandson to be born. We decided to give his name “Bryan” to my son as a middle name and he knew it and was wonderfully pleased. Unfortunately, he passed a month before my son was born. Cancer is a cruel beast with no time limit. My son was born 11 weeks early and spent a month in the NICU. He came home with a heart monitor because he would stop breathing in his sleep. It was scary times to put it lightly. No young mother wants anything like this to happen. As a young girl I dreamed of being a mother. As I aged these hopes became more and more. I looked forward to a long 9 month pregnancy. Celebrating a child growing inside of me and eating all of the foods I wanted. No young mother expects that to be cut short and complications. Prior to having my son I lost a daughter at birth. So the heaviness of losing another child loomed as I went in to early labor. I was so protective of him and still adore every moment of being his mother. Loss of a child will do that to you. The great news is that he is now 23 years old, healthy, and strong.

My sons early years were filled with joy but also a lot of worry and concern. When he was two years old there was fear of the growth of his head. It was large and his pediatrician (who was wonderful) had concerns about hydrocephaly. We were quicky appointed at a local university hospital for testing the following week. Here’s what happened. This is why I know that dreams are sent to you. Two night prior to headed for his tests I dreamed of my papaw. It was vivid and real. I dreamed that my papaw was standing in my parents driveway beside of my mommas jeep. He was dressed in the same suit that he was buried in. I was standing in the living room when he motioned for me to come outside. He held my face in his hands and said “Something scary is going to happen. It will be hard but I want you to know that its nothing. Everything is going to be okay. It’s all just fine.” And with that I woke up. Absolutely sobbing and knowing that this had to do with his namesake, my son.

That week we went through multiple tests with my son. Our appointments were scheduled with a neurosurgeon and a neurologist for the same day as the test. They only issue was that we would have to see the surgeon first and before the images could be read by the neurologist. We agreed because it was the only way to get everyone seen in the same day and get answers. When we saw the surgeon he basically told us he would need to cut my sons head open and reposition his skull. I was overcome with emotion. I sat holding my 2 year old son on my lap and while he played all I could think of was what he was getting ready to have to go through. I have never been so scared in my life. I couldn’t eat lunch that day. I sat at a restaurant table with my son and his dad and just prayed. That afternoon we saw the neurologist. He sat in front of us and said that there was no hydrocephaly. The condition was called brachycephaly and that he would most likely heal on his own with no complications. My sons only restrictions would be no head contact sports. This was fine as I never imaged my son a star football player anyway. The relief that we felt was tremendous. I sat there and wept. This is the scary event that my papaw had warned me about a few days prior in my dream. He knew I needed his reassurance. He knew I needed to know that I should remain calm and everything would be okay.

Over my life I’ve had so many vivid dreams. Ones with meaning and ones that were more just filled with feelings. I think we all do. This week I dreamed of my daddy. They are my favorite. I miss him so much. Every single day I miss him. This week I dreamed that he got up from his recliner and hugged me so tight. We talked for a few moments and I dont remember about what. And then he hugged me again. I awoke feeling so wonderful. That vivid dream where I had my daddy with me for just a few more minutes. I didnt want to wake up. I needed more time. I was the best. The timing was perfect. He knew I needed it. Tomorrow would have been dads birthday. And tomorrow is the day I also lost my daughter 29 years ago. Yes, she passed away on my dads birthday. Tomorrow will be sad in more than one way. But I will remember and dream. I’ll dream because one day I will see both of them again. And I know that they are both in heaven watching over me.

I hope that your week is filled with all of the good dreams that you deserve. I hope that your dreams of the future all fall into place and that you work hard to receive them. May God bless you all.

Always…….Brooke